Have you ever been speaking with a person who says something incorrectly, misspeaks in some way, and you correct them? You don't even hesitate. You just blurt it out "Well actually..." Perhaps you don't intend to sound pretentious. It's possible you just want to rectify. You may have the best intentions, but should you do it? Would the conversation proceed if you just kept quiet, or is the correction pivotal to the message?
Although I can't think of a specific example, I know I'm guilty of this. I know I've corrected people countless times. I've done this to my family, friends, coworkers, and students. Since I like for all situations to be clear and orderly, I've never hesitated to let someone know they could improve their words, for whatever reason in whatever way. I never considered how this made someone feel because it was just a matter of making the conversation more organized. My brain wants the right words to be present, so if the wrong one sneaks in my brain slaps it right out of the dialogue. I never weighed if the act was truly necessary or if it was more of a compulsion on my part.
Today I was on the receiving end of a mended statement. I got a little taste of what it's like to be straightened out, and I didn't like it. It's not that I wasn't wrong, I was. I used the wrong verb. It wasn't the "wrong" verb, per say, but a vague synonym not used by that person in his/her role as guardian of the task I was requesting he/she do for me. However, my message was understood, exact verb or not. The receiver of the request knew what I meant, but chose to interrupt me and amend my statement. It gave the impression that he/she was attempting to trample me, belittle me, overpower me, pick on me. It wasn't a careful, caring correction. It was brisk. It was condescending. It was unnecessary.
In my habit of editing the spoken errors of others, I don't recall ever intending to make the person feel the way I was made to feel today. However, the experience has made me question how many times my message was misconstrued as patronizing. My reflection has forced me to consider if I should ever correct someone again. Does my brain's preoccupation with order and clarity mean more to me than preventing the damage I might inflict upon one of my relationships? I must decide which is more important. If I don't pause and think the next time someone slips up, I may end up coming across as arrogant, and I don't want that. I don't want to make another person feel the way I felt today. I'm going to use this experience to improve myself. That uncomfortable interaction has suddenly made me realize how important it is to listen to the message and not necessarily the words. If I focus on the meaning as a whole, maybe my brain won't pick apart the pieces. I think the person speaking to me deserves that much respect.
That simple interaction really shook me up. It made me feel uneasy, so I looked hard for some turquoise. Here are some pics of what I found.
Look at these turquoise treasures! So simple, but so lovely!
This post really made me think. Thank you for sharing your experience, and I'm sorry it happened to you. I cringe to think of the times I've thoughtlessly made someone feel like this...
ReplyDeleteIf someone as nice as you does this, then I'm not going to beat myself up over doing it too! I'm just going to try and think before I do it again.
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